Archive for August, 2011


I didn’t hate it. I’m kind of surprised and of course I didn’t get what I expected when I thought about how I would feel but actually, I think I can handle this. I’m taking four classes which equals to about 12 units and I was freaking out because of the work load but since 3 of my classes, I knew the teachers and the other one is some lady who is hella chill, I think I won’t jump out of a window. It was really interesting when I compared the groups of people in my classes and the queer classes I have, everyone seemed energetic and happy, and my “straight” class with mostly heteros are all dumpy, stumpy, boring, quiet, stuck up, arrogant, etc. I was thinking to myself, these people are on some major horses but need to get off pronto.

I really, really am in such a better mood when I’m in my queer classes because I feel a sense of safety and harmony where I feel that I can relax and not always be on my guard all the time compared to when I’m in other environments so it was a really nice change to feel calm for a change. I didn’t realize till a while back just how much my “sexuality” effects everything in my life; job, school,friends, life in general, and it feels kind of annoying in a way where you already are a minority in one environment, and top of that you are another minority in a whole other level when it really shouldn’t be so that is what frustrates me the most.

The only thing that I think I will annoy me later on is that I have no days off. I have school everyday but on most days I only have one class for an hour and then I can just go home but it makes me think, damn, “what’s the point of going out for only an hour?” especially when it takes me two hours to get ready, I feel like i have to go somewhere after school so I don’t feel like I’m wasting my makeup or clipper card. I’ve spending a lot of my extra time going to thrift stores honestly because they’re actually really easy for me now. I used to hate hunting for clothes because I need organization  but I learned to make things easier by searching by sections at  a time so if I don’t even have a clue of what I want I just start with what I like, so I’ll start with sweaters and knits, then coats, then skirts, just so I don’t feel super overwhelmed and feel like I have to go through the whole store because it can get really tiring really fast.

I really should be studying or doing homework than shopping because I really don’t want to get lazy again because I love doing nothing and be satisfied with that but I feel that I should learn to adapt to a “work pattern.”



Nicholas Kirkwood for Rodarte Spring 2011 shoes ($2,798-$2898)

I might break an ankle, maybe both my legs, even possibly a hip, but if an ambulamce has to pick me up after I died wearing these shoes, at least I will look AMAZING!!! HOLY BEJEZZUS man, can I please have all three of these shoes?? The Nicholas Kirkwood for Rodarte Spring 2011 shoes are seriously dangerously gorgeous. I love high heels on girls and guys… if they can pull it off, but nothing makes a shoe harder to walk in if the platform is not high enough!! I know that these shoes are 51/2 to 6 inches which to me isn’t that high but the fact that the platform is only 1 inch makes my ankles cry. The reason platforms are important is because the smaller the platform, the more arched your foot is, which stretches your ankle more forward, which ends up hurting like Hell after 2 hours. The taller the platform, your foot is not as arched thus your foot will be more relaxed and you can wear them a lot longer.

I’m one for masochistic footwear but sometimes I feel like complaining, but i do it in my head. As painful and tiring as heels can be, they’re soooo beautiful, they make my legs look amazing, and they make me significantly taller. Too bad that these shoes cost a months rent but I would soo rather buy clothes than sleep in a bed. What I really like about these shoes is that I really have a thing for earthy, nature, fantasy, vibes not bohemian btw but like just really “organic” looking things. I feel like the shoes belong to a forest mythical creature or something. I feel like I wish I was in a total fairy tale or a Disney movie. The whole collection was just super beautiful, earth goddess and Chinese warrior.




AHH BALLS! FREAKING AYEEE! I like being lazy bum moping around my living room watching bad tv and eating nothing so I could fit into my almost finished Alexander Mcqueen dress. :'( It’s been too long, too long for that dress to be fixed but I’m glad it will be ready before I start school because I really want to wear it on my first day. Yes, the dress came with a zipper corset/ girdle looking thing and I saw why, when I tried the dress on, it was really snug. It wasn’t tight, it just fit perfectly but the seamstress said that I couldn’t gain anymore weight, :O I kind of wanted to laugh but then got kind of sad and said to myself, “DAMN FOOD, why do I like to eat so much?”

I got to spend some time with my long-lost friend who’s moving to Portland next week and I’m incredibly sad, one of the very few intelligent people who I know, who isn’t a hipster, and that’s hard to find. We went to the Picasso exhibit at the De Young yesterday because I wanted to have as much fun until I had to start douchey school, gawsh.

This one was my favorite, I love how the poses reflect my everyday life.

AWWW I had a really good time there, it was the first time in a long time since I went to a museum and usually love museums but never have anyone to go with. Oh well



I heard that people can hire “professional knitters” if they want something handmade or whatever but is there a word for it? I want these sweaters really badly please but I can’t spend $1400 on a distressed knit, OH and that’s the sale price! HA! I’m sure some stupid people might say “AHH it looks homelessy” but since I’m not some scruffy hipster with a fixie bike, I don’t think I have to worry.

I’ve been really into sweaters, especially knits a lot lately because I felt like I need some comfortable clothing. My whole thought process when buying clothes has always been style over substance. I’d rather freeze to death or be dying wearing 6 inch heels rather than being comfortable as long as I looked good. Narcissistic yes, but I’m not a narcissist, but I do have friends who are and it’s pretty annoying I must say. I honestly think it’s pointless and stupid to be a stuck up asshole, I mean what the HELL do you accomplish from that? Anyways I want these really badly but it’s strange because I hate tights and especially fishnets but I really like these, I want them, again they’re old and $850 but hey, fashion is about dreams right?

I would totally wear these but no way would I wear them barelegged. I like women’s clothes but I’m not a drag queen or a transgirl and I usually know when to draw the limit but my mind cannot stop thinking about them, so cool, kind of cobweb/ awesome Halloween ensemble. Maybe I could wear black skinny jeans and wear the tights over them?? Or should I get matte black tights and wear the cobweb ones over that?? Hmmmmm, I don’t knowww I like them but I just don’t want to look like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

I’m trying to think of ways to wear the tights without it looking too fem because I really like this skirt and I’m thinking if I personally shoudl pair the two together as seen on the runway.

I think the only thing I woudl be worried about with the tights is how delicate they look and how easy it is to rip a new hole. I’m very impatient when putting on tights and I’m scared I’m just going to rip them to shreds.


My continuous obsession for Rodarte has been eating me up inside lately which is weird since I loved Rodarte for so long, I would think I would be immune by now of the feeling of hopelessness for not being able to afford a $8000 dress. The Spring 2012 collection is being presented next month and I’m freaking out man, what psychedelics will be shown this season??? And the shoes? Geez  Nicholas Kirkwood is freaking amazing cranking out amazing shoes every season that PERFECTLY match each collection. I’m sad, I want them but they cost a month’s rent. (tear)

Until the Spring 2012 collection shows, I’ve been incessantly looking at the archives and I must say, I REALLY, REALLY loved Fall 2008. Inspired by Japanese horror movies, these dresses were so amazing and gorgeous I almost wept, AND made me happy. Not a lot of designers make me happy but Rodarte always manages to put a smile on my face when I see these dresses. Some might think it’s odd since I’m a boy, but without a doubt, If I could, I would totally surrender myself to be graced by an amazing, handmade Rodarte dress. OHH I DIEE! These two dresses were my favorite from the whole collection. I hate wearing white but this dress just broke that rule. I love that the red and white dress looks kind of scary because I think of blood splattered in a white bathroom every time I see it, it just looks so intense yet so soft at the same time (Scary Romantic?) And I love the other dress because it’s my favorite color, CHARTREUSE!!! I love how it jsut looks like such a delicate, wispy, garden dress. I would feel like such a beautiful plant creature if I wore this dress, like a delicate rare breed of ivy. HOLY SHIT, remember the shoes?

When I saw the runway video for this collection I had to laugh not only because the shoes looked like they can quickly send someone to the E.R., but how fast the girls were walking in these shoes? I asked myself how do these girls managed to make these 6 inch heels look really easy to walk in? The girls seriously looked like they could run in them with no problem, they were seriously gliding all the wat through, and you know what I just noticed? RODARTE has the most intricate and elaborate runways and finales I have ever seen. I seriously am scared for the girls because the runway patterns that they have to follow without any marks or helpful points on the runway, just plain memorization, and I was like holy Hell, not only do they have to worry about falling, they have to remember all the different points where they have to walk to. And honestly, Rodarte finales scare the Hell out of me. They’re beautiful as always but every time they do a criss-cross like intersection thing where they intertwine with each other always makes me nervous when I see those girls because one person could mess up the whole thing, possibly could trip someone, I don’t know, but they always end up having a smooth show.


I have been constantly pacing around my room for hours wrapping my head around how just utterly amazing the New York fashion label, Rodarte effects me. This collection from fall 2009 may be four or five seasons old but the POWER that theses dresses have over me makes me realize what great design and fashion it really is. I loved Rodarte since my interest in fashion “busted out” but just the absolute beauty of these clothes serously made me want to marry them. I usually hate American designers because everything is so boring and “wearable” with no imagination, no fantasy,  NO DREAMMM, and to me, selling a dream or a fantasy is what designer clothes are about. Thankfully, Rodarte said “Screw you” to the pack and followed it’s own aesthetic and I couldn’t be more obsessed with one label that makes to most interesting clothes in America.

It sounds strange but every time I want to buy something new, I have to, in some way identify with the piece that I want. It’s kind of hard for me to explain but I like to be able to relate to the clothing that I buy plus, wearable art is the most amazing thing ever, I think. And somehow, these dresses , I find so relatable, so incredibly pure to what I like and who I am as a person,  I just cannot express how much I love Rodarte. I mean I can’t afford a $9000 dress and there are 7 that I actually want so that made me a little depressed, but when I saw these pieces, I just thought the clothing was just so emotional and personal and amazingly comforting to see. I couldn’t imagine how I would feel to be able to grace around in one of those garments but believe you me, Rodarte is the reason I keep on living.