Does money really bring happiness?

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately about the things that are going on with  me and it’s pretty depressing. I’m at a really young age but I feel everything is routine to me, everything is miserable, as if I’m 35 stuck at a dead end with no hope or bright future ahead of me. I’ve been acting this way for the damn same reason for all my misery; lack of self esteem, and I must say it’s really getting old. I dream of all the fun ideas and plans I wish I could do to make myself happy again, but everything just costs money, it seems that for people to have fun, you need at least 200 bucks at your disposal. I love shopping and getting this and that because it makes me feel happy, but it doesn’t last very long.

I’m always counting on material things to help me with my problems thinking clothes and whatever will make me feel better which they do, but I wonder, if I have all those things, what’s next? That’s why it’s so depressing,  I have goals, more than just collecting a giant pile of cloth but other things i want to do but.. costs a lot of money to do. I wish I had the lettuce to use to my pleasure. I wouldn;t just throw it away to meaningless stuff but to things that can make me feel cared for, emotionally.

I feel if I had the money to do the things that I wanted, I could be so much happier. People are constantly saying that you shouldn’t worry about money, people and family are more important, really?? Friends and family can be traitors, they can have ulterior motives that they desperately try to hide, even blood relatives can have the desire to see you fail. The only person you should take care of is yourself, because really, no one else will. It’s true when they say it’s every man for himself, because you can’t trust anyone, which is another thing that gets me depressed. Just the thought of feeling really emotinally close to someone and then to have them screw you psychologically is really not a great way to spend the next 2 years of your life in annoying therapy sessions and incessant questions you ask yourself “WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME”?

If people are smart, they will look after themselves and get what really makes them happy, and unfortunately money is mostly the answer. I can’t say everyone because that’s impossible for everything but all I know is, it helps to feel you have some sort of security.

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