THERE MAY BE SOME LIGHT

In the past week, I have not been able to recognize myself. I feel miserable, distraught, depressed to the extent of passing out. USF is so draining and painfully brutal to my mental health I don’t think I can do this. Being busy is one thing, but making you study or do bullshit that doesn’t even matter to you, how incredibly full of shit college is. I cannot be surrounded much longer by gross “SO-CAL” amoebas that slither around the grounds. I can’t stand the sight of the “prestigious” school who’s staff are merely a second a way and gawking you. Being a normally, calm person, this is just to much for me. I understand getting out of your  comfort zone, but this is a feeling where I just don’t belong there, I don’t wish to be there, I don’t wish to go there.

Luckily, I heard through the grapevine that I can take City College classes wile still being enrolled in USF. As annoying and stressful it is to register and get classes at City, I feel it’s worth the torment rather than paying thousands of dollars on a class that hardly interests me. The thought of spending less time at that damn institution and being at a more relaxed atmosphere, sounds like path I’m willing to take. The thought of USF just makes me want to puke.

Every time I go to school, I feel as if it’s one giant nightmare, waiting for me to wake up. I enter a strange mood that I have never felt before, or at least in a really long time. Only  until I finish  my classes, my sanity slowly starts to come back to me. Every time, I feel I lose my mental health, my happiness, my fuse to love life, is gone, being in that hole, makes it feel like I actually am in a nightmare.

I really want to figure this mess out before I get committed or have a nervous breakdown where I’ll be hospitalized for months. If things flow smoothly, I will be able to somewhat get my life back. I just have to stick it out for one semester dealing with creeps I could care less about, people are are uninteresting to the core, people I would not like to be around, cross my fingers.

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