I FEEL LIKE I’M IN A NIGHTMARE

I started USF on Tuesday and I feel like shit. I was so uncomfortable to the point where it wasn’t even first day jitters, I seriously felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I assumed, I would feel happy, I would like the people, and the classes wouldn’t be that bad. Well it was a big slap in the face when I found out that I feel like dying, about everyone is from “so-cal” which I gagged at, and I’m constantly doing a lot of stupid shit that really pisses me off. I feel like all of my buttons have been pushed where I feel this is just too surreal, I don’t belong there, this doesn’t feel right to me.

Everyone keeps saying it’s the adjustment, first week, scary stuff, blah, blah, blah, I freakin’ despise everything about this. I can’t even buy a lot of things that I want because dumbass school books are so expensiveeee :( I just want to go back to when I didn’t have school, was working part time, and staying at home relaxing. If I did go to school, I wish it was at City, at least everything is chill there and almost everyone is older which makes me feel better because I hate being around people my age.

I really want to learn Korean and move there when I’m older, I just want to get out of this country. I hate being in one place for too long, I just need an escape, and I feel crushed that I have 4 years of HELL I’m going to have to deal with. To make matters worse, my stupid face is still wide and I still have 2 and a half months till my face is completely done but I’m nervous because 6 weeks seems like a short period of time and I want my face to go down a lot more, I want to be able to say that I have a thin face, not a repulsive wide face.

I wish I won the lottery and didn’t have to go to school, I would use that money to first get Korean language lessons, and a go shopping for amazing clothes, so when I finally move to Korea, I’ll work in a fashion magazine or whatever, UGHHHH. It’s really a shame. To me, my fantasies are my reality, and my reality is just a fantasy I don’t want to look at or even think about.

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