Self reflection…

I must not be the only one who is feeling severe emptiness from friends leaving for college. These past two weeks have been kind of hard. Not only did my friends leave for college, but also co-workers and acquaintances are leaving for other reasons and it’s really weird to see so many people leave at the same time.

Before a couple of my close friends left, three of us visited my high school, and it felt so incredibly weird to be there again. We even ran away from our art teacher, just because we are that scarred. We only talked to a few of our teachers who we actually liked, and then we swore to never go back unless we had a concrete, specific reason, like for a show or something. And we probably won’t see anyone from high school until our reunion, which hopefully won’t happen until 15 years down the road.

My college orientation starts this upcoming week, and my term starts the week after that. It’s still surreal that college is almost here. I can’t believe how much I’ve freaked out over making it to this point in my life. I worry way too much, and dwell on things that aren’t that important. I’m going to try my best not to become an overly caffeinated, sleep lacking, cigarette fiend. I don’t know what my workload will be like, and I hope I have the clarity to handle it all. I really wish that I didn’t freak myself out about everything, but I always inevitably do that.

Overall, I’m at a point where I keep doubting and second guessing myself, and I just use my work to distract me from dwelling on my negative feelings. I don’t know if it’s a healthy way to cope with all the difficult changes, but I’m not sure what else I can do.

The positive side is that when people step out of my life, new people are supposed to step in. I guess I’m just experiencing a harder part of transitioning right now. I am really dramatic when people leave. You could say that I just don’t take it well.

I am going to try my best to take care of my body and mind, meet new people, improve my time management, and open myself to new experiences. I have to step forward somehow; the low will go away eventually…

V xx

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