Archive for August, 2010



“savor kindness because cruelty is always possible later”

-Jenny Holzer

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Self reflection…

I must not be the only one who is feeling severe emptiness from friends leaving for college. These past two weeks have been kind of hard. Not only did my friends leave for college, but also co-workers and acquaintances are leaving for other reasons and it’s really weird to see so many people leave at the same time.

Before a couple of my close friends left, three of us visited my high school, and it felt so incredibly weird to be there again. We even ran away from our art teacher, just because we are that scarred. We only talked to a few of our teachers who we actually liked, and then we swore to never go back unless we had a concrete, specific reason, like for a show or something. And we probably won’t see anyone from high school until our reunion, which hopefully won’t happen until 15 years down the road.

My college orientation starts this upcoming week, and my term starts the week after that. It’s still surreal that college is almost here. I can’t believe how much I’ve freaked out over making it to this point in my life. I worry way too much, and dwell on things that aren’t that important. I’m going to try my best not to become an overly caffeinated, sleep lacking, cigarette fiend. I don’t know what my workload will be like, and I hope I have the clarity to handle it all. I really wish that I didn’t freak myself out about everything, but I always inevitably do that.

Overall, I’m at a point where I keep doubting and second guessing myself, and I just use my work to distract me from dwelling on my negative feelings. I don’t know if it’s a healthy way to cope with all the difficult changes, but I’m not sure what else I can do.

The positive side is that when people step out of my life, new people are supposed to step in. I guess I’m just experiencing a harder part of transitioning right now. I am really dramatic when people leave. You could say that I just don’t take it well.

I am going to try my best to take care of my body and mind, meet new people, improve my time management, and open myself to new experiences. I have to step forward somehow; the low will go away eventually…

V xx


The Smiths, how do I start, ohhhhhhhhh my favorite band, the lyrics, the rhythm, that sexy, sultry voice, how could you not love Morrissey and the amazing teen angst beat that cam along with it. I’ve never heard death and misery, and agony spoken soooooo melodramatic and lovely.

The Smiths were an English rock band formed in Manchester  in 1982. Critics have called them the most important alternative rock band to emerge from the British independent music scene of the 1980s. The group were signed to the independent record label Rough Trade Records  for whom they released four studio albums and several compilations, as well as numerous non-LP singles. Although they had limited commercial success outside the UK while they were still together, and never released a single that charted higher than number 10 in their home country, The Smiths won a growing following, and remain cult and commercial favorites. The band broke up in 1987 amid disagreements between Morrissey and Marr and have turned down several offers to reunite since then.

That was a little history tid-bit from wikipedia because I didn’t know the history but I wish I was alive then when they were still together, awww that would’ve been awesome if I could see one of their concerts.

Morrissey has such an amazing voice I need to marry someone with those vocal cords!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

I saw a recent picture of him 2 years ago at some awards show or whatever and  he looks pretty good for someone who’s 50 something.

The Smiths would be the band that helped me through the really annoying years of High School, the very cliche that people can place on this band but whatever, it’s not like I’m some hipster pretending to be poor an miserable. The Smiths were and will always be the perfect music for generations and generations, it is perfect.

In February 1984, the group released their debut album The Smiths, which reached number two on the UK Album charts Both “Reel Around the Fountain” and “The Hand That Rocks the Cradle” met with controversy, with some tabloid newspapers alleging the songs were suggestive of paedophilia, a claim strongly denied by the group.

The album was followed the same year by the non-album singles “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” and “William, Really It Was Nothing”, which featured “How Soon is Now?” on its b-side. Securing the band’s first Top Ten placing, “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” was also significant for marking the beginning of engineer and producer Stephens Streets long-term working relationship with the band

More controversy followed when ” Suffer Little Children, the b-side to “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” touched on the theme of the Moors Murders. This caused an uproar after the grandfather of one of the murdered children heard the song on a pub jukebox and felt the band was trying to commercialize the murders. After meeting with Morrissey, he accepted that the song was a sincere exploration of the impact of the murders. Morrissey subsequently established a friendship with Ann West, the mother of victim Lesley Ann Downey, who is mentioned by name in the song.

The year ended with the compilation album “Hatful Of Hollow” This collected singles, B-sides and the versions of songs that had been recorded throughout the previous year for the Peel and Jensen shows.

Teenage Dream Review.

So it’s midnight and Katy Perry’s sophomore album (TECHNICALLY Junior but details, details…) has dropped and is ready for review. We were able to preview the album all day and at 12am est us west coasters were able to buy the full deluxe album! The album only cost be $4.39 since I raped iTunes every time a new single came out, so as happy as I was to see that price I realized that I still paid the full $9.99 if not more. Either way that shit was in my library and I automatically starting playing the new tracks. I’ll go in the order of the track list for this review, so first up Teenage Dream.

Personally this song is somewhat blah for me. I know, I know it’s starting to get popular and stuff but I feel like its super repetitive. Yeah sure most of her songs are and I love them but those you can totally sing too without sounding like one of those douchetards that think they can sing and try to prove it to people all the time. This is one of those songs of which you cannot casually sing too unless you actually have vocal talents. It’s an okay song and is perfect if you’re in love I guess. Not one of my favorites but it’s defiantly not the worst song ive ever heard, personally not worth the $1.29 i shelled out for it. The music video was okay, nothing special. Very normal for Katy Perry standards but it matched the song perfectly.

Teenage Dream - Album Artwork

The next song in the rotation is Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) which is a little reminiscent of Teenage Dream but a little more upbeat and has a funnier story to it. Apparently a bitch got drunk last friday night and danced on table tops and maxed out her credit cards and whole bunch of other shit! It’s defiantly one of those songs you will be setting to you “When I Was Younger” montage that you show to your children! Well after they learn what alcohol is and how much you loved it when it was illegal for you to consume it! It’s a nice calm song that reminds me of a mix between Justice and the theme song from Full House. There’s like Saxophone/Keytar solo towards the end of the song that’s pretty effing sick! In all I really like this song and once I own a car let alone am licensed to drive it, I’ll blast this shit everywhere!

I was already familiar with California Gurls since it was my summer anthem and the only thing I could properly use to describe how shit gets down in CA. However I would like to bring up the point that this song is about EVERY California girl, not just girls from LA. I doubt they wear daisy dukes and bikinis on top when there’s a storm fucking their shit up! San Francisco girls know better than to sport this outfit on the daily but we get the occasional moment to do so, alright NGC?! This song is not only catchy but it’s danceable. Even the most rhythmically challenged person can find some kind of suitable bounce or sway to do to this song. My only problem with the song is Snoop Dogg. I know him as the hardcore rap star with 20 babies and a pound of weed in his hand everywhere he goes, not the pimp of Candyfornia. And that’s the other thing, people always complain that the music video made no sense. “What does candy have to do with California?” Um well let’s see…oh yeah that’s right! It’s fucking Katy Perry in most amazing outfits, with the most amazing make up ive ever seen with the best hair on earth dancing around fucking candy and befriending girls who look like said candy! It doesn’t have to fucking connect because it’s just amazing, kay?!

Teenage Dream - Album Artwork

Fireworks. Well this song is defiantly beautiful like one but not as loud and racket as they normally are. This song is one that tells you to be who you are and shine just as bright as a firework! Sweet right? Well it is and I like this one! It’s nice smooth and one of those songs you listen to when you feel like smashing the windows of car that belongs to the bitch that you hate just because your bored. Trust me this one will help! You’ll feel twenty times better and the bitch can keep her windows because this song made you fell great about you and your life. But next week…the bitch is gettin it.

Peacock - Fanmade Artwork

PEACOCK! Rararararararah! I love this song, like almost more than I love California girls, and trust me I love that song more than anything right now. It’s just a fun ass song about seeing somebodies “peacock” which for some reason reminds me of the male genitalia :] So yeah this is song is defiantly a “Whip it out” song but hey! it’s catchy and cute there for it will get some attention. It’s also danceable, to some extent. Don’t expect to just casually bust a move to this one, but do expect the choreographers to get their hands on it and turn the bitch out! I’m hoping they do a video for this one seeing that they used the chance on teenage dream…because if they don’t there will be issues. In the end this is on my top 3 of songs on the album. I smell a club hit!

Circle The Drain - Fanmade Artwork

Circle The Drain, dark song but a good song! If you’ve ever been with someone who had a drug addiction or an addiction of any kind, one wtf were you thinking and, two this song is for you. I’ve been listening to this one on repeat for awhile and it gets better every time. It’s funny I don’t think I’ve ever liked so many songs off one album, usually I only like a select few and ignore the rest but this one idk there’s so much to like! But back to the song. It’s  a good song with a strong message of “fuck wit dem pills and ima fuck up ya face!” But in the nicest way possible. This song rounds out my top 3 with Peacock and California Gurls and deserves the spot! Check it out, it’s worth it!

Teenage Dream - Album Artwork

The One That Got Away is well, the one that got away. It’s nothing special, has a nice beat but nothing really going for it. If anything this would be the one song that I just kind of ignore and don’t care about as much, like Jan from the Brady Bunch. I mean I feel like I’ve heard this song a hundred times before, and loved it. But this time it just isn’t working for me. I’m assuming that this will be the black horse of the album because usually the songs I hate make it big, i.e. Teenage Dream, If I Were A Boy, Promise….the list goes on. And if this is the sleeper hit then hell I guess I need to change my taste in what I like and what I don’t! But yeah you might like but I sure didn’t care for it much.

E.T. - Fanmade Artwork

Extra Terrestrial, obviously this song is describing the love she receives from Russell Brand because well…he’s pretty fucked up! But this is song much like “The One Who Got Away” that I care so much for. However something tells me I’m going to be loving this song in the future because once and while I find a song that I don’t like a lot but for some reason I find it again and I love it! It’s weird I know but hey whatcanyado? As for night now It’son my ignore list but soon enough it’ll be my hidden gem!

Teenage Dream - Album Artwork

Third from the bottom of the track list is Who Am I Living For? Obviously not me bitch so don’t ask me. But no this song is kinda of like Circle The Drain, it’s dark and has a strong message but this is one is kind of weird for me. I don’t hate it but I don’t love it, its in my musical limbo where it’s just kind of there. Maybe i’ll listen to it here and there and other times I’ll just skip it. However it’s a pretty good song, slow but progressive and it definently gets your attention when you listen to it. It reminds me of a slower version of Christina’s Prima Dona (Youtube it). I think this one will be another one of me future gems that i’ll fall in love with when I have my ipod on shuffle!

Teenage Dream - Album Artwork

Pearl! This song comes in fifth for me. I like it a lot but not enough to listen to it on repeat 40 times in one sitting like I’d do with my top 3! I like the message of this song because I see this happen to a lot of my friends. Being the best people to be around; funny, smart, outgoing, and free spirited but then a boy comes around takes that shit away. Shame shame but it happens. I can see this one becoming a club hit after it gets remixed because it definanty has that quality to it, wont stand well on its own but after Kaskade gets his hands on it this shit’ll be poppin! Worth the buy and worth the listen on repeat maybe 20 times!

Teenage Dream - Album Artwork

Humming Bird Heatbeat. This is a combo between Pearl and The One That Got Away. It’ll make a legit remix but isn’t anything special. I do see this one being loved the preteens living in wherethefuckamI, Texas. It sounds generic by itself therefore it become irrelevant in my mind, of course there are some nice qualities to the song but by the time you get to this one you’ll be thinking okay this is the same song I just heard at the beginning and middle of the album, NEXT! This one goes in my musical limbo right below teenage dream.

Not Like The Movies - Fanmade Artwork

And last but not least, Not Like The Movies! I really liked this one. It defiantly takes fourth! Deserves 30 time on repeat! I know I know it’s another love song and I just bashed Hummingbird for that but this one doesn’t sound like the others (which all kinda sound the same). It has a different feel to it, its slow but sounds more like it came off Katy’s first album which I loved! It’s like she capped off the album with something firmiliar sounding since she went with a totally different approach to this album. It makes me feel happy and hopeful kind of like how Taylor Swift makes me feel minus the fact that she’s like fucking 12 and wears irrelevant clothing. Either way this song is great and is one of the only slow songs i’ll probably ever like! A great finish to a pretty great album and already has me wanting part three of her mainstream career.

In all, this album offers a lot of pros and cons. The Pros being that about 60% is amazing and enjoyable and will be received positively and that most of these songs can be remixed into super explosive superhuman versions of their originals. The cons being that the central theme of this album is pushed into almost all of these songs which can be good for some but I like my albums to cover various themes that can be related too. Seeing that I’m not a teenage girl and even with gender assignment i still wouldn’t be able to be one, I don’t quite connect. Although I know what it’s like to be in love and have it feel like the best thing in life which is what most of these songs cover. And even with a few flops this album is definently worth the $9.99, as for the deluexe verisoion with the remixes and Teenage Dream music video, idk only one of the remixes were okay and that the California Gurls (MSTRKRFT Main Mix) [feat. Snoop Dogg]. Either way buy this album and I promise you wont be disappointed.

Lindsey’s Out?

After 23 days of her so-called rehabilitation stay at UCLA has come to short and non-surprising end. She was supposed to stay at UCLA’s Medical Center for 90 days but obviously that is not the case. I’m sure we all saw this coming and to be honest I know I did! I mean come on, Lindsey Lohan is a…well she’s crafty little girl that’s what she is! She gets house arrest and you think “Hmm. Good now she can’t get any drugs!” Nope, she magically needs to get wisdom teeth removed all of a sudden and gets a free pass to take enough vicodin to take down Tara Reids. Yeah remember her? She gets an alcohol motoring device and all of a sudden the girl is surrounded by a cloud of hairspray that “accidentally” sets the device off. Yes Lindsey I’m sure that’s it. So basically E! got the scoop which is surprising because they’re like always late when it comes to getting the info on celebs but hey everyone gets a bone here and there! Lindsey just got a new Judge on her case which I guess didn’t feel like slapping her around like a pimp does to a hooker in heat, or as Dina Lohan seems to think is the right word “Hardballing” her.

Her new judge changed her NEEEDED 90 day stay at the loonie bin short and gave her a slap on the wrist. As if getting out of jail quickly wasn’t such a scam. Who the hell gets time for god behavior after a week? Obviously not my cousin John and we all know he’s been an angel, no joke. Apparently she got out because her mental state wasn’t as “unstable” as they presumed therefore she couldn’t stay at UCLA 24/7 because that kind of treatment was only allowed for patients with a dual diagnosis. Um…when your parents are Dina & Michael “Camelballs” Lohan your mental state is all kinds of effed up. Just look at Ali! She’ll probably have to resort to outpatient treatment but she’s a free girl now which I think is the last thing she needs to be.

Well Lindsey, I give you props for once again fooling the system and getting out of trouble to the best of your ability. Your one crafty little girl!


ILLLLLLLLL, I feel like I’m 14 again, nooooooooooooooooo, UGH!! I feel horrible, omg I would die if I ever saw such beauty.

This is my new husband, but OMG, if someone saw that on the streets I would cryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, SOOOOOO BEAUTIFULLL

I need to control myself, I can’t go back to the way I was years ago and feel bad :O How can you help it though, with that face???