New Jersey: The Classy State.

If I had the choice of choosing one state that I could live in forever based on how much I love it, it would have to be New Jersey. I’m sorry California but you can’t compare to the numerous things that NJ has produced that make my life. Sure CA you’ve given me things like E! News, The Kardashians, Mitchel’s Ice Cream, It’s-It & Google but New Jersey has given me more. I think I’m going to list my top…Five favorite things that New Jersey has given me to enjoy. Now I’m probably going to have to do two of these because there’s just so much that I love about New Jersey but I’ll put my most favorite, favorite things on this one. We can start off with number five, Salt Water Taffy.

Salt Water Taffy is my favorite kind of candy, hands down. I love how there’s like 300 flavors with names like root beer, judy jersey (my favorite flavor ♥), key lime, coconut the list goes on and on. I especially love how easy it is to get salt water taffy too because when I was little the only time I could ever get it was when my parents took me to Bodega Bay and would take to this little crack den of taffy heaven. But luckily San Francisco came to their senses and opened a new cleaner crack den of taffy goodness down at the pier! So if my sudden hunger for this chewy treat came up I wouldn’t have to suffer a two-hour long ride…just a…forty five minute dirty bus ride…yay!…

Salt Water Taffy

But yes, I eat this stuff like it’s an actual food that completely fulfills my daily dosage of everything i need to survive! Thank god these things were created and even better, they were created in New Jersey just adding to the goodness that is the Classy State. The next item on my list is something that I personally have never worn or plan on wearing but still needs to be recognized because it revolutionized the way girls were able to “get they nails did” on the fly effortlessly. Yes number four on my list is Lee’s Press-On Nails!

Lee’s Press On Nails

Every good Jersey Girl wore these and the fact that they could just stick onto your nails made them the easiest things to wear, or so I hear. Sadly the only downfall of these modern miracles was that they came off just as easily as they could be put on. So basically, MEN, if you were to cheat on your girlfriend with a girl wearing press ons and things got hot then her nails could have popped off and stuck to your shirt, when you get home your girl will and mean will find it therefore leading to your possible demise. But yes these things look amazing and come in so many different colors and designs, so if you’re looking for a pick me up and need yo get them talons done right quick get on these! Well if they still sell them because obviously it isn’t 1984 anymore.

Next on my list is a television show I enjoy very much, it involves 5 women who live their lives like a rich Jersey woman should. They fight, gossip and best of all have smackdowns after calling each other “prostitution whores” yes the literacy of these women are scholarly. Number 3 on my list is The Real Housewives of New Jersey!

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY

This show is like crack to anyone who likes the newly released “Jerseylicious” but this is 20 times the hot mess. We have Caroline, the manly one in pink. Jacqueline, the Botox junkie who popped out a baby. Danielle aka Skeletor. Dina who just kind of sits there therefore rendering her unimportant and finally my love, Teresa. She’s the H.B.I.C. who enjoys plastic surgery, going bankrupt and flipping tables over to get her point across. She’s the one who likes to get knocked up and then name her child with a ridiculous name that no one would enjoy to have. Then right after that she writes a cookbook about healthy Italian food which is kind of ironic but who cares i guess. She’s just a funny person and knowing that her life if somewhat legit makes it all worth watching. Here’s just a glimpse of her all powerful, tabling flipping, tantrum abilities:

Now for my second favorite thing to come out of the Garden..ahem..i MEan Classy State, another televisions how that has truly put New Jersey on the map, Yes I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about. The One, The Only, The Amazingly Racket and Trashy Jersey Shore!

The Jersey Shore Cast

This show fist pumped its way onto our television’s with the help of MTV last fall. These tanned guidos/guidettes showed us what it meant to be a true “Italian” even though most of them weren’t exactly…Italian. They showed us what GTL (Gym, Tanning & Laundry) should look like, how to properly beat up the beat and make sure we used our bump-its to the fullest to get the highest poof possible. Snooki our resident boxer says she “invented the friggin poof” and I have a feeling that was a true statement. She was the most entertaining small Chilean I’ve ever seen. Angelina, the “Kim Kardashian of Staten Island” was also quite enjoyable. Even though her time in the house was short lived I’m sure she’ll make up for lost time in season 2. Ronnie and Sam were just stupid and the most dysfunctional couple ever, mostly because Sam didn’t understand that when you get angry at your significant other over everything you can’t exactly be shocked when they do the same back! Pauly D or DJ Pauly D who “makes all the girls panties drop” was…an interesting character. Sporting an ever so classy “Cadillac” tattoo on his side and the ever so flattering blow out, he made things funny and somewhat enjoyable. The Situation however…well his situation was that he was only attractive from the neck down that’s all I really have to say. Vinny was so adorable and so cute, he was the youngest one I think making him the most tolerable when it came to being stupid. Who am I missing…oh JWWOWW or whatever. Well she said she was a praying mantis and she had the face to match, not cute!

The Jersey shore brought up delicate topics but handled them well except playing the clip of Snooki getting punched over and over and over again which just wasn’t cool. But this show was more than entertaining, it gave me something fun to watch other than those horrible dating shows. Watching this show was the best thing to watch to make me feel good about myself because I could proudly say I wasn’t one of those people!

The very last thing on my first edition of the “New Jersey: The Classy State” list is a person, one single person who makes my life every weekday night. She has my kind of humor and knows that when you see B.S. you call it out as B.S. She’s my kind of women and likes being a bitch. She’s my role-model, she is Chelsea Handler!

Chelsea Handler

This Jersey born girl is my favorite late night television show host. I love the roundtables, sometimes the interviews only because sometimes the guest is someone boring or unimportant like the redhead from Twilight…iiiirrrreeeellleeevvvaaaannnttt! But yes I read both of her books and, well she’s just a funny person. Sometimes she can be cheesy and try too hard but I think she’s legit! She is to me what Big hair was to the 80’s. It’s funny, I feel like there’s so much I can talk about with her but I’m just too tired to do it!

So I think I’m going to leave it off with this, New Jersey…You are amazing in the way that a hot mess can be amazing. Your classy and entertaining and although these things may not define most of your inhabitants the fact is…you produced these things! You’re a beautiful nightmare and will always continue to be that unless Florida really steps their game up which they have been lately so watch out! Remember to stay classy and make sure to give us what we want, hot mess entertainment!

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