WELL, THIS SUMMER SUCKS: BLAME VANITY

This week has been total shit. My surgery is on very thin ice right now and I’m really pissed. It just makes me think and reminds how so F@@%##^ messed up it is that I have to go through all this trouble when in fact I should’ve been born with something that a great majority of the world has, a slim face. It pisses me off that I have to deal with this shit and honestly I don’t caree!!! Yes, I am greatly for a lot of attributes that I have but the fact that the one thing that I always hated, I have to get it, ironic isn’t it.

I’ve been waiting three damn years and this month it seems that the procedure is just getting more and more prolonged. I don’t even want to leave the house anymore because I am just disgusted with myself right now. I don’t care if I sound like a brat right now but seriously, it’s really not f@#$%%^& fair. This stupid thing has kept me from doing so many things and preventing me to do my best in anything becasue I’m so worried and conscious about the damn thing that it’s exhausting.

I may sound like a douche but I hate things that are half-assed, things that are almost there but not quite, people that are not ugly but they’re not pretty. That’s what I hate and I feel, I feel like I’m in the middle of the “attractiveness spectrum” and it’s bullshit. Like seriously, it’s black and white for me. I’d rather be hella hurt or Stunningly gorgeous. I seriously hate it when I’m in the middle because you don’t know what to think, and then you get a different opinion from everyone, and you second guess yourself, I feel like I’m always mind-f@#$% by something or someone.

I hate being in the middle because you feel screwed, you’re not beautiful, but you’re not ugly, what THE HELL is that supposed to mean????

It just pisses me off that I feel short-changed in the “looks” department. It’s like getting 5 out of 7 numbers from the genetic lottery. I’d rather have nothing or everything. I hate being in the middle, because I don’t know which side I belong too, I strive for perfection, or at least try to. People say those standards are “impossible” How are they impossible if there are already a lot of people who meet those standards????

I feel like my life would’ve been a lot better if I just got what I was supposed to, if I looked like a Cesar Casier or an Ethan James, my life would be so much better. Yes I’m vain, I’m narcissistic, beauty is usually the only thing I care about but you know,  I really don’t care, if you’re not worth my time, go away.

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